Mondays

I have a case of the Mondays; although today seems to be more severe than most. I actually got up at 6 am to catch up on my 90-day reading. This lasted about 15 minutes before I gave up and went back to bed. The kids finally had to drag me out of bed at 7:30 am. Do you know how much harder it is to get your day started when no one has made coffee and the kids have to drag you out of bed?

We had a crazy-busy weekend -- and I'm the only one who seems to be exhausted from it! We drove 3 1/2 hours to witness the commencement of my sister from University with her degree in teaching (way to go, Sis!). Drove home in time to catch the end of a graduation party and rest up before a birthday party yesterday. Whew! As I sit here with my coffee, my grocery list, and the laundry I am successfully ignoring, I ponder this verse:

"I am the LORD you God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy."
Leviticus 11:44

Consecrate: to set apart
Holy: different, distinct, set apart

I was created in the image of God. God is holy, therefore I am to focus my attention and energy on being holy: different, distinct. My days feel the same, but God has created me special, just for this very purpose. My kids drive me down the line on the Crazy Train, but God has set me aside as their mom. Some days I wonder if my efforts are for naught, but God reminds me that in this season, I am where I am to be, doing what I am to be doing.

Yesterday in church, we studied Proverbs 3 (5-6 NIV, emphasis mine):

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

As I focus on being set apart, different, I rely on the LORD for strength and understanding.

How is your Monday?
How do you rely on your own strength?
How can you or do you rely on God for your strength?

Adequate

But Moses said to God,
"Who am I, that I should go to Pharoah
and bring the Israelites our of Egypt?
Exodus 3:11 (NIV)

This is going to be short and sweet as my laundry, dishes, and dirt all seem to be piling up today.

As I read about Moses and his journey to bring the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, I couldn't help but feel relieved that this holy man felt so inadequate. Even the author of Hebrews makes note of his faith and perseverance. He went where God told him and did what God told him. Although, he did question God, ("Who am I, that I should go...?"), second guess God, (he tried to get water out of a rock from his own power, not God's) and even complained about the people he was chosen to lead.

How do you second guess yourself?
What do you do on your own power, and not on God's?
Do you complain, even though where you are is right where you know you want and should be?

One Life

Then the man said,
"Your name will no longer be Jacob,
but Israel, because you have struggled with God
and with men and have overcome."
Genesis 32:28

Like a well-written daytime drama, the book of Genesis is an amazing book to read. Deception, thievery, murder, love, lust, redemption, promise -- and that's all in the first six chapters! Right now, in my 90-day reading plan, I am in the middle of the Jacob (Israel)/Joseph saga.
Abraham (Jacob's grandfather) lied about Sarah being his wife, then slept with her handmaid thinking he was "helping" God fulfill the promise given to him.
Isaac (Jacob's dad) also lied about Rebekah being his wife and was deceived by both his wife and son.
Jacob stole his brother's birthright and received the blessing intended for Esau. He then ran away and married two sisters, one he loved the other...not so much (although I doubt he complained too much as she did give him 5 sons plus another 2 with her handmaid!) In all Jacob has 12 sons by 4 different women. He and his father-in-law played an early form of Survivor: who can outwit, outsmart, outplay, outlast the other in a 20 year battle for Rachel's hand in marriage.

As I read about these amazing people -- amazing because I wonder how they ever thought they could get away with the hideousness of the behavior -- I am humbled. God chose them to give birth to a nation, the nation of Israel. He promised Abraham and Isaac that their descendants would out number the stars in the sky and the sand under their feet. (Genesis 17) The drama plays out much like Days of Our Lives or All My Children or One Life to Live. The legacy left by these men was one of adultery and deceit, yet God was very present in their life. Jacob wrestled with God himself and lived to tell about it.

Even today I find myself wrestling with God. Should I find work outside the home? Should I try to find work I can do from home? Should I TRUST Him to provide us within the lifestyle he has given us? Should I take on more volunteer work or less?
(Thankfully God hasn't pushed my hip out of its socket to remind me of our wrestling match! (Genesis 32))

God's clear message seems to be this: I AM. He was and is and always will be. He has always provided for us, he is providing for us even now and he will never stop providing for us. A gentle reminder that though he allows us to live life to the fullest, he is there to catch us when we fall.

How are you living? Are you living with caution or with passion?
How does God use you?
Have you wrestled with God lately?

Fear

That night the LORD appeared to him and said,
"I am the God of your father Abraham.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bless you and will increase the number of your
descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham.
Genesis 26:24

Passion. Purpose. I love those two words. God has written these on the words of my heart and they spill from my mouth at every opportunity! I truly believe that every person was created with passion for a purpose.

Today my husband called me and told me of a business opportunity he encountered while having lunch. I could hear it in his voice, trembling as he told me of a lifelong dream and the possibility of it coming true. YES! I wanted to scream in to the phone, but instead said, "Go for it."

But I don't have any formal training. I'm really particular about how I want things. But I'm trying to (change) my life, and this is kind of the opposite of that...

And your point is...?

I can't. You can. Please help.
A small prayer my pastor taught a group of moms to get them through their day, but I felt it was appropriate for my beloved.
No, you cannot do this; but GOD can. He gave you this passion and this dream. He will give you the way and the means. Don't run from it. Embrace it.

Even now, I pray this into your day: "DO NOT BE AFRAID, FOR I AM WITH YOU" -- don't fear your passion. Love it, embrace it, cherish it, know that the One who created you, knit you together, also gave this passion to you for a purpose.

Understanding

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Where did May go? Can anyone tell me? I seem to have misplaced it somewhere around here. Just last week I was traveling to Idaho to see my family for a combined Mothers' Day/graduation celebration weekend. I was blessed to be with my mom on Mother's Day -- which is rare since we live almost 400 miles apart -- plus the bonus of witnessing her receive her double master's degree (Way to go, Mom!).

So that was Mother's Day and now people are telling me it's June 1. Excuse me? What? Where did the last three weeks go? Yikes! Why is it that we always have the best of intentions? Or is it just me? Every day seems to be filled with "need to's" and "must have's" and "don't forget to..." I have a list daily of, as my dad likes to call them, round-to-it's. As in, "I'll get 'round to it." Laundry, dishes, filing, paying bills, school, play-dates, end of year celebrations, start of barbecue season, were we going to plant a garden in there somewhere?

I find the busier I get the less I lean on Him and the more I lean on Me. Big mistake. Huge! I run around in circles much like a puppy dog or a hamster, not understanding why I get no where really fast. Did I invite her to church? Did I reach out to them in their time of hurt? Did I empty the dishwasher? This is too much for one person. And this is about the time that God gently taps me on the shoulder and says, "Child of mine, when are you going to stop running? I want to help you, but you must listen to my voice."

So, in the quiet moments I can steal away today, I am forcing myself to stop and listen. Listen to the voice that says, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10a) Yes, there are bills waiting to be paid and laundry waiting to be folded and a childhood waiting to be lived and molded. In the here and now, God is asking me to trust only in Him. Not in my own strength or my lists or my over-bearing guilt! Just Him and me and the Word.

This summer I am putting all my books down except for one. I have challenged myself to reading the Bible in 90 days. Since I forgot today was June 1, I'm a little behind (but the day's not over yet!). I will keep you posted as to my progress. If you would like to join me, go to this website: http://www.biblegateway.com/resources/readingplans/index.php/today?plan=6&version=31
You can read that days passage on the site or pick up your own bible and read through that day's selected text. I believe there are about 12 pages per day, so there is quite a bit of reading. I have decided to put down all other reading to focus on this task. Please pray for me and with me as I begin on this journey. As you can see by this post I have issues with stick-to-it-ivness, lists, must do's, etc. I am praying that this becomes part of my journey, instead of one more thing to do in my day. More on that tomorrow.

In His Love,
Amber